Hope everyone’s having a great Friday. Time for part 2 of the story I posted last week. Today I’ll tell you about how and when we found out we were going to be a baby, our initial reactions and the first changes to my body.
Like I have mentioned previously, we have decided to finish the contraception I was on and change after my period – that must’ve been early to mid January. However, those of you who have PCOS know that your periods can be very irregular so I wasn’t sure when that would happen. I have booked a surprise Valentine’s trip to Budapest for us earlier in the year and I remember looking at myself in the mirror in Budapest thinking ‘damn my breasts look huge, my period must be coming soon’. After we returned to London I booked an appointment with my GP to get the new pills as I was convinced it was coming any day now. For some reason they didn’t have an appointment that worked for me so they finally booked me in for mid March. I remember talking to my mum and telling her that my period is taking forever again, but I didn’t think twice about it giving my PCOS.
Then, in the beginning of March I was speaking to my best friend telling her how long it’s been since my period and she asked me if I took a pregnancy test. That hasn’t even crossed my mind and I’ve never ever in my life done a pregnancy test. I know, I’m weird. I told her it was impossible, but she convinced me to do it just so we can rule pregnancy out. On my lunch break at work I popped out to the shop to get a test, went to the bathroom, peed on the stick and within 3 seconds I saw it. The line.
I was so shocked I had no clue what to do. It had to be a mistake, but I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I went back to my office trying to keep it cool and let me tell you one thing – I was faaaar from cool. My first thought was calling my boyfriend and telling him, but he was away in Brussels with work so I was on my own with this. I obviously told my best friends because I had no clue what to do. Am I really pregnant? Could I really be pregnant? Do I call the doctor? Do I need vitamins? How far along am I?
I wanted to do another test just to be sure that the test wasn’t a false positive or broken so I started drinking litres of water. Took another test and the same thing happened.
Now I was pretty much speechless. I was desperate to go home, but I still had a couple of hours left at work. My best friend said that she would stay with me and she would pick up some digital tests on her way to mine as they’re supposed to tell you how far along you are. I then called my GP and said I might be pregnant and they asked me about my last period. When I told them it was in the end of December they said that it looked like I was 11 weeks pregnant. Ummmm… Excuse me? They booked me in for a midwife appointment and scan a scan a week later. It all seemed very unreal to me, but I was coping. I had a lot of questions, but I started thinking about my boyfriend and his reaction. I felt really anxious about it because it wasn’t something we planned or were thinking about in the near future. For some unknown reason this is what made me panic the most.
I spent the evening with my best friend and although I couldn’t sleep at night, the next day I felt ok and in my head I started thinking in the categories of… could I? Could I really be pregnant? However, there was another hurdle – telling my partner. I had no clue how I was going to do it. It wasn’t going to be one of these – ‘our dreams came true, we’re having a baby’ moments. He was coming later on in the evening so I got home from work, started cooking dinner for us as I haven’t seen him on over a week and really missed him so we planned a nice dinner together. While I was cooking I completely lost it. I started crying, terrified of what his reaction was going to be. I also realized that the smell of parsley that I was using was making me feel violently sick so I was crying and gagging – charming.
Before he arrived, I managed to calm myself down, sat him down on the sofa and almost threw the test at him. He went pale and we started talking about it and the difficulties we were going to face. I’m not going to get into details here because it took a while for him to come to terms with it, but no, it wasn’t a movie-like reaction. At all. We went to the scan a week later and we heard it – the baby’s strong heartbeat. It turned out that I was only 6 weeks pregnant rather than 11 which made more sense to us.
It took us a while to accept what was happening and how our life was about to change forever. We didn’t expect this baby, but life knew exactly what it was doing. I’m a big believer in the saying that ‘everything happens for a reason’. I was blessed with a baby – something I wasn’t sure would ever happen to me. It was my miracle and I will forever be grateful for it. I can’t wait for this baby to come into our lives.
I am going to be a mum to my perfect baby. 🙂
Lot’s of love,